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  • Writer's pictureThe Gimp

Shit-Posting, Literally (Part I)

You never see someone taking a shit and running at full speed George Carlin

If you know anything about spina bifida, you probably knew this was inevitable. Some people will never be able to appreciate the joy in anticipating another day indoors in close proximity to a private lavatory.

Shit isn't just a word in Gimpdom, it's a way of life.

Do I go out today, have lunch and buy that new waterproof puffer jacket I've been needing because C. difficile in 2020 left me feeling the windchill a lot more and rely on stores to have air freshener on the ready, or just stay home and eat Ichiban packaged noodles and hope I don't have to shower 6 times today? Me

Some people ask, "To Be or Not To Be?" I ask, "Will I need an in-store shower or not?"

4 Things I never leave home without: Senokot, Loperamide, Acetaminophen or Ibuprofen, and my wallet.

I know only gastric states: bloated and PlayDoh Fun Factory. Welcome to the wonderful world of Spina Bifida. If you're not tripping over something, you're being serenaded by gastric sounds, hoping the sensation passes, so you can safely locate a toilet or hoping that your detergent is strong enough to remove uric acid. Trust me, you don't want that on your Plenty of Fish profile - and even if it's not there, she'll find out sooner or later, and you don't need that embarrassment.

Yes, Pornhub was created for guys like me, who have enough courtesy not to insert themselves like COVID into someone else's unsuspecting life or scent free universe.

This is a scent free office.

I'm sure you've seen those signs before in medical offices. Well, that's unavoidable. You're getting one "scent" or the other. Take your pick, Smart-ass. It's either last night's dinner in liquid waste form or my lavender scented, non-aluminum, spray-on deodorant. Take it up with whatever supreme being you may or may not pray to. He's not returning my calls.

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