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  • The Gimp

10 Things You'll Never See

I know it's ridiculous that I have to put a disclaimer here, but just in case you're getting amped up to be patronizingly offended on someone else's behalf, you've been warned.

  1. An authentic Indian restaurant that serves Beef Vindaloo. Nice try, John Smith. Just because you got takeout a few times from your local Sweet Shop doesn't mean you can own a restaurant, design the menu or worst of all, act as head chef and bottle washer. By the way, chop suey and fortune cookies weren't invented in China, either.

  2. A poor, ugly handicapped guy with a significant other who has 20/20 vision.

  3. A handicapped adult film actor/actress.

  4. Handicapped comedy on television or movies in 2023.

  5. A middle class or lower middle class American with decent healthcare.Yeah, I said it.

  6. A disabled person who smells like a rose.

  7. American Mainstream News go a day without fabrication or suppression.

  8. A white American with better spelling than an immigrant who has been in the country for more than 5 years. And I'm being lenient.

  9. The Vancouver Canucks winning the Stanley Cup.

  10. A gender inclusive bathroom for any length of time south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

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