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  • The Gimp

10 People/Things That Are Pissing Me Off, Volume II (14/01/2022)


  1. Pain. Why does the very thing that idiots say lets you know you're alive make you want to die? I've been clear of C. difficile for over 2 years now, and I still have occasional but frustratingly painful symptoms. I've been off the Tylenol 3s for about a year and a half now, but I still have to take at least 1000 mg of Tylenol Extra Strength Rapid Release per day and sometimes Advil Ultra Strength as well. Some of it is obviously residual from the sickness, but a lot of it comes from being in bed for months and not brushing my teeth while being force-fed candy because apparently that's what you feed someone who can't eat.


Flame Point Siamese
Winnie, Flame Point Siamese

2. Any Questions?


3. People who think they're helping by letting the whole world know that the Gimp has arrived. I know I'm supposed to be appreciative, but could you be a little less obvious? I just shit my pants - would you like to broadcast that to the entire block?


4. People in the service industry who are paid by me, but somehow think they're doing me a favour. I get that with cab drivers a lot. And it's not a racial thing. Some of the best cab drivers I've had are Indian guys who blast Bollywood-style music. No, I'm talking about those white guys who act like their job is beneath them because they're white, so they don't have to show you any courtesy. At best, you get a 10 minute harangue about what an awful day they've had, like you had any control over it. We all have our problems, Trout-Sniffer. Yes, I go Disney Channel sometimes - under my breath, of course. Next time, send me Raj.


5. People who can't control the volume of their voice after half a martini. Listen, Donald J. Trump, I know you're really august with the fact that you sold something useless to some poor sucker for a ridiculous amount of money, but I'm trying to relax. If you're that much of a lightweight, maybe save it for when you get home. By the way, that laugh was crazy. My ears are officially bleeding.


6. People who think they know "what's best" for me. I know I should go easy on some of these people, because they have no history to establish they're wrong, but for those people who do have a track record of getting it wrong on a never-ending basis, kindly piss off and leave me alone. I'd rather screw up on my own than beat myself up for listening to you.


7. Taxi service in small towns. I'll leave it at that.


8. Anyone who mentions Jesus or God more than 15 times in a 3 minute conversation


9. People who talk with food in their mouth, so the rest of us can have the most compelling experience of witnessing the beginnings of the digestive process. I don't care if there's going to be a quiz after this, Dr. McDonalds Breath. I'm not studying to be a physician. Close your mouth, Billy Joe Bob.




10. People who yammer on about shit nobody except them care about. And they talk about it like it's vital information that you're just dying to hear. George Carlin was right. People are so boring. I like the idea of people, but in person, very often, I've got about 15 seconds before I'm looking for an exit. Or, with any luck, I'll shit my pants and have to leave in humiliation.

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